dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
