what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
