Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
