I just threw up on my dentist
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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