If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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