fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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