Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
