I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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