dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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