you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
