You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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