I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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