i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
