we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
