this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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