apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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