I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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