i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
