I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
