I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
