He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
