She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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