I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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