i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
