i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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