Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
