it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
