btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
