Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
