I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
