She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
