she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
