Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
