Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Enjoy the penises
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
