I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
