I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
that's an acceptable place to lick
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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