I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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