Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
