Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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