I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
