I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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