Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
