im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
