hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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