He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
