I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
