He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
