He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Boobs speak an international language.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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