What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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