just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My vagina just recognized that song.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
