thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
