I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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