small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
