I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
