I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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