butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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