I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
