They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
