We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my phone needs a breathalizer
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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