the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
