Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize