yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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