Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And then my night got REAL pukey
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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