We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
