i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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