Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
