she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
