you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
