Im at strip club and am horny
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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